Yesterdays Letter
by darkroadsahead
Summary: A short song fic set to Yesterdays Letter by 98 Degrees. Sean writes a letter to Ellie, aplogizing to her.


**Yesterday's Letter**

_**Authors Note: **Song and Lyrics are to the Song YESTERDAYS LETTER by 98 DEGREES. This Story Will Be Written In The POV's Of Both Sean And Ellie._

**---------------------------**

_**I wrote a letter yesterday Just trying to explain Couldn't find the words to say 'Cause you are so far away So far away I wrote a letter yesterday It's so hard for me to face That it had to end this way But my love will never change Will never change When I search my soul to find the truth About the love we shared I wonder why you're no longer here. **_

I approach the dark blue mailbox, my hand shoved deep into the pocket of my dark gray sweatshirt. I turn around at the sound of a car driving past. I watch as the driver, a young teenage girl, with dark red hair, stops at the red light. As I glance at her I can almost see a slight resemblance to Ellie. Of course I see Ellie everywhere I look. Just yesterday I was watching old reruns of My So Called Life and even then I thought Angela reminded me of Ellie. I guess it was just the hair, or maybe the plain and simple fact that I feel completely lost without her and everything reminds me of her.

I pull the small white envelope from my pocket. Looking at it I stare down at the address, the address of the house I shared with Ellie, the girl I love. How could I have done that to her? Tell her I love her and then at the very same time tell her I can't be with her? I don't know what happened to me, why I thought about doing that, why I actually went through with it. I wish I could take back what I did, turn back time and get in the car with her. She wanted me too. She told me too. Of course she did not come out and say _Get in the car, Sean. _Because that's not who Ellie is. She doesn't give orders. She just gives looks, looks that say more then any words possibly could. Looks that I should have listened too.

Why didn't I just get in that car?

Taking a deep breath..I drop the letter in the mailbox..and walk away.

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_**You can just walk away But I don't feel the same My heart still beats for you, breathes for you, sings for you And these feelings will never fade I can hide my pain But I can never hide the way I feel for you. **_

Infomercial. God these things are so meaning less. How can someone actually believe that a person would be so bored that they would actually find themselves to be tortured by watching an hour or even longer of a stupid comercial promoting something they will never need? Of course who am I to judge? I am one of these people at this moment. I am sitting here watching this stupid thing because there is nothing else on. It's nearly four am. There is never anything good on tv after the eleven o'clock showing of Seinfeld. After that, TV just goes downhill.

"Stupid." I mumble as I change the channel.

I freeze as I recognize the women who appeared on the screen just seconds ago. Pearl Pinkton. God I never thought I would see her again. She is on _another _late night show? Does she really think people care about her eraser collection? I guess so.

"So Pearl..what is new to your wonderful collection?" The women on screen asks.

As Pearl continues to ramble on and on about a new eraser she has found, I can feel tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. Memories of the first morning I woke up here fill my head. It was the day that changed everything. I lifted my head from Sean's shoulder. I took one look at him, and for a moment I was lost in my own little world. Just staring at him, he looked so peaceful. His hair was slighty messy, well as messy as it can be. Its not like he has enough that will look bad. He always looks good.

As I checked the clock that day, and woke him up..he had to ask me that one question. _Move In. _I never thought I would ever hear anyone say those words to me, nevermind the man I so desprately love. He was so warm and loving throughout the whole ordeal with me moving in, and then my mother pulling me from it.

I look beside me at the framed picture beside the couch. Picking it up a stray tear rolls down my face as I stare at it. It was taken at our House Warming Party that Marco and Ashley decided to throw for us. At that time we thought nothing could destory our time, our love. He was always there for me, and when he needed me to understand what _HE _was going through..he couldn't open up to me. I don't know why but he just could not do it. I tried to get him to talk but..he ended up running off to the jetski..and nearly got himself killed.

After he talked to his parents, I thought we would go home together. Go home and get through this together..but he couldn't do it..he had to stay..

How could he so easily walk away?

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_**I've been talking in my sleep About the way it used to be Girl, I pray that you'll hear me  
And then I'll see you in my dreams Oh, in my dreams But I can't forget the words you said  
To move on with my life And no matter what, I'll carry you inside.**_

"Where the HELL have you been?! Its two hours past your curfew!" My father yelled as I walked through the door.

"Out." I reply cooly as I brush past him and head to my bedroom.

"Its midnight!" He screams.

"GO AWAY!"I scream as I slam the door shut behind me. Thank god I put that lock on it all those years ago, or else he would never shut up. Apparently the sound of the door slamming was just what he needed though, and I listened as he walked back to the kitchen, the sound of the fridge opening assured me that he is probably getting another beer to drown his sorrows or stupidity in.

I collapse on my bed, events of the evening still fresh in my mind.

After I mailed the letter I had gone down to the beach, where a group of my old friends used to always hang out. We were all very young the last time I had seen them, and though I have been back in Wasaga for nearly a month now..tonight was the first time I have seen any of them since I left.

I was greeted with several hugs, handshakes, pats on the back and a few dozen beers. Normally I wouldn't drink, I have in the past but only when things were really bad. The last time I had gotten drunk was at Jimmy's party several years ago, on the night when Emma's mother had basically called me a charity case. I often times wish that it was Ellie who I had met on my first day in Toronto, rather then Emma. Life would be so much better, so much more simple if me and Emma had never met that day. For one thing..I wouldn't have to fight with Rick for control of that gun, and for another..I would never be as misrable as I was. I would be able to feel the happiness I have felt with Ellie ever since we met. Ever since that day in detention. Ellie is the only person who can make me laugh over nothing, who can make me smile when I don't think its possible, the only person who I can stare at all day and not say a word too..and know she understands me. Ellie Nash is the only one for me.

And I left her.

I stare up at the dark ceiling, my eyes welling with even more tears as a wave of memories rush through me. Everything that has happened between us from our first kiss to our goodbye. I have not had a decent nights sleep since I made the stupid mistake of leaving her.

All I can do is hope she gets my letter...and pray she understands..maybe even calls to tell me she got it.

Why can't life be as simple as it used to be? Back when we were just together?

_**Sooner or later, you're going to realize That this kind of love happens once in your life So, open your eyes...**_

I look at the clock beside the bed, and watch as the number changes from 11:59...to 12:00. I let out a deep sigh as I force myself to crawl out of bed. I throw on a pair of dark faded jeans and a plain black t-shirt as I walk out to the living room. Ever since Sean left it has made it that much more difficult to pull myself out of bed every morning. I sometimes find myself missing days of school. I know I shouldn't, but the only real reason why I kept going was for Sean. He needed to keep going in order to stay in town and he always made sure I would come too. He was always here looking out for me. Always making sure I ate good, and he never wanted to see me sad.

Just the simplest things he could do would make me smile. A simple touch, a smile, a joke, a hug..a kiss. Everything I miss and may never get again. It's not like either one of us has picked up a phone. I have wished every time that the phone would ring he would be the one on the other side of the line. Telling me how sorry he is, telling me how much he misses me and how much he needs to see me. I just want him to come back to me..to see what I can do to make him feel better..I just want him back..is that too much to ask?

The sound of the mail slot opening forced me to turn my attention to the door, as all of the letters slide through. Normally it would only be a bill here or there, or just a random magazine. But now there is something else. Something unfamiliar.

I walk over to the door, bending down I pick up the pile of envelopes and magazines, TV guide..shifting through the mail I pause when I see the familiar handwriting.

"Sean..." I whisper softly as I walk over to the couch, dropping down the mail I grab the letter and tear the envelope open as quickly as I can. My hands are shaking as I pull out the tiny piece of white lined paper. Taking a very deep breath I slowly unfold the letter..my eyes well with tears as I read it..

_Dear Ellie,_

_Hey. I know I should be calling you, or even dropping by. But I can't do it. I wish things did not turn out this way, I wish there was a way that I could show you just how much I care about you, just how much you mean to me. I wish things never turned out this way, I wish everything was simple. I wish we could turn back time. I wish so much, but most importantly I wish I never said goodbye to you. Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I HAD to do it. I know there is no excuse for leaving you, after I swore I never would, but things got to a point I could not handle. The aftermath of the shooting was eating me up inside. I killed Rick. I killed a person. And everyone was treating me like a hero. Rick is not the monster, he was not the monster. I am. And If I stayed in Toronto I would never be able to live with myself. And I would never be able to look at you without feeling like you think the same thing as everyone else. I'm no Hero, Ellie. I'm the monster. I never wanted to say goodbye, and I never wanted to leave you. I hope someday you can forgive me. But until then I just want you to know I'm Sorry...and I love you. I'm always thinking of you. I'm sorry..goodbye._

_Love Always, _

_Sean_

I dropped the letter, as I finally allowed for the tears to flow freely down my face, grabbing the pillow from the couch I buried her face in it, crying hysterically.

"I love you too, Sean." I whimpered softly.

He's really gone.

**_...And see what we could be Come back to me._ **


End file.
